angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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