tell your sister to shave her snatch
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
