the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
