I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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