I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
