i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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