Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
