Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
is it fun? or sober?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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