You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
