Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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