i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
