I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
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If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
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I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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