i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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