I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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