How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
