Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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