thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can you bring me the toilet please
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
