so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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