sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
