I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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