You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
