I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize