Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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