Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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