Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
