Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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