Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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