areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
