her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
