I hate all girls vehemently.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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