He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is my gift to your gina
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
