Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
