you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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