I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
