When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
