so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
