im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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