Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
