She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How's work?
Spinning.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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