hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize