I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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