And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
