My balls are so social today.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
