yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
