so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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