Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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