I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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