Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
