I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
