I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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