And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
