chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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