Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
