you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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