i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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