New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
