It's like God shit irony all over that family
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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