Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
