I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
