I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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