Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
