I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
