You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
