Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
