I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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